So yeah... the past few days I've noticed that for a while now I have been taken for granted and taken advantage of. Not just by friends, but family too. It's ridiculous! If they think that I'm just gonna deal with this for a few years until they come around, they're wrong. I need someone I can depend on too, you know? I need a fierce friend. I'm always the one to get blown off, forgotten, misinformed, pushed aside, and put on hold. And you know what? It's total bullshit! I'm never like that! I always try my best to make sure everyone feels happy, involved, and not forgotten. I hardly get that back in return. Only a couple people have actually thought about me to a decent degree so I wouldn't feel forgotten about.

You know, it's sad that I'm even having to bring this up! Ever since high school ended, it's started and only gotten worse. In the beginning, we were all like "We're so close, I feel like we're sisters! I would never replace you and why would I even want to?" Now, at the rate everything is going, I'm not even sure these people will still be my friends or even talking to me in a couple of years. I don't even know if we'll be close enough to have them in my bridal party! To me, that really hurts that I'm even questioning myself about how close we'll be, and if the thing I thought was so concrete (having my bffs in my wedding) is now looking like it may just be a far fetched dream. Sad thing, it's not like I'm not trying. I'm always saying hi, trying to find a time to hang, etc... And whenever we find a time to hang out, they cancel for one reason or another and don't even bother trying to see if another day would work.

It just hurts because it's not like they're doing this to any of our other friends... just me... what did I do to freakin deserve to be cut off? I didn't forget birthdays, I never took sides, I was always there and always available whenever someone needed me, I would always go out of my way for them to be a good friend and make them have a better day, and I didn't mooch off of them. So what's the fuckin deal?

...*sigh* ANYWAYS, I feel that the people who have kept me in there thoughts should be named. They deserve to know that they did no wrong to me: my sister, Marcy, James N., Jessica B., Chloe, Jessica H., and all my pen pals. You all have lent me your ears (and eyes) and reached your heart out to mine, especially lately when the past few weeks have been really shitty. A deep, sincere, and heart-felt thank you to you all :)

*hugs*

All day I've been trying to keep Aidan away from his daddy because his daddy has the flu. To make it worse, I have a cold... I really don't want a sick little baby so we're trying to keep our distance as often as possible, but he really doesn't want any part of that. He just keeps running up to us going "Up!" and reaching his arms up to us while opening and closing his hands. It's so cute which is why it makes me so sad to have to turn him down and walk away :(

As if that sinking feeling in my heart wasn't bad enough, I had it drop even more last night. Ever just get done talking with someone close about their plans (thinking it was a family thing) only to see pictures of it the following day to see them with a group of your friends? Did you feel left out? Did you feel upset because the people in the picture have been blowing you off? Yet they find plenty of time to organize this trip when they can't even message you back hi? Yeah... that's how I felt. Dude, I don't know why but I seem to be a magnet for one-way friendships. I've been trying to hook up with these people for the past month now and I hear nothing only to see pictures of them (without me) taken recently with them all hanging out. No one even bothers to ask me shit anymore... (pardon the language) They think just because I have a baby that means I'm WAY too busy to go out and have fun. Truth is I'm not. Yeah, I am busy, but most of the time I'm not more busy than anyone else. I go to school, I have a job (my fiance and son), and I have family obligations. It's just really frustrating when people forget about you just because... so much for best friends if they won't even bother to call and ask you if you wanna join (even if you all know you can't) just so you can feel included.

Another sad thing, the friends I was closest with during high school are the ones putting in the least amount of effort into the friendship, and the friends I was never really super close with seem to be the ones always texting or messaging me asking about life and trying to plan things with me... What the fuck (pardon again) is up with that?! Ugh... I just don't want my bff's to turn into Curtis's :(

Lazy Day

Today sucked... I couldn't sleep at all last night and I'm super sore. I had to work on homework all day because I had to catch up and to make things worse, I think my fiance is getting sick. Coincidence he got sick just after being around sick people at the ER? I think not! We're hoping it's not swine flu since we didn't get our shots. So for the time being, he has to stay away from Aidan. Even worse, I think I'm getting sick too! I really hope that Aidan doesn't get what we have. :/

Felix Update, Portraits, and the ER

For an update on my kitty, she got her staples out a couple days ago and is all healed up :) She's back to her normal self, jumping on the bookshelf, curling up on people, and running around. The only problem is that after I give her her medicine, she throws it up a little later.

On Friday, my son got him portraits taken at Sears. They were his one year and holiday photos :) He wore a little gray suit with a light blue collar t-shirt underneath. Unlike the last time, he was all smiles! He struck a whole mess of poses and I didn't even need to bribe him with goldfish! My dad treated us and paid for the whole lot. These are most likely gonna be my Christmas presents to people this year to my family lol Sad but I'm broke, so what am I gonna do but that and give baked goodies? lol

As for last night, Aidan ended up in the emergency room. Aidan was on his daddy's lap and I was playing with him from behind the couch. I saw him starting to fall, so I reached out and grabbed his arm to catch him. He went from laughing hysterically to screaming and crying so hard he could barely catch his breath. I sat him down on my lap as we tried to figure out what happened. We saw that he didn't want to move his right arm, so we had my nurse mother-in-law to be take a look at it. At first we thought it was his wrist, so as I nursed him to calm him down, we set his wrist down on a wrapped up ice pack. After about 5 minutes, we decided to take him to the ER because he kept crying. It was 9:45pm and once there, we didn't have to wait very long to been seen (only about 15 minutes). They took us to the back where we waited. The doctor examined him on my lap and told us it was his elbow. What had happened was that his elbow got dislocated because his joints were still soft so it made it easy to slip out. It was called nursemaids elbow or something like that. Anyways, they took his hand and then popped his elbow back into place. He cried and screamed and then they gave him some Motrin. Since he wasn't moving his arm right away and appeared to be in a lot of pain still, the doctor ordered to have an x-ray taken just to make sure nothing was broken. We waited for 20 minutes before they called us in foe the x-ray. During those 20 minutes, Aidan made a quick recovery and started to clap, smile, eat goldfish, and run around. After the x-rays were taken, all we had to do was wait around for the results. We waited for 3 hours! Luckily, there was a woman there with 3 kids and we got to talking, so that kept me entertained and her kids kept Aidan entertained lol They were really nice and lived close by actually so we swapped numbers :) After they called us back in, they told us that Aidan was ok and had us sign some forms before we left. By the time we got in the car to go home, it was 2:00am! Exhausted, Aidan went right to sleep in his crib and my man and I went to sleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. That was a long day.

To top it all off, we went to my fiance's niece's birthday party early this afternoon, followed by a good driving lesson, and dinner with my dad at El Torito. Needless to say, I'm tired and even worse, I have a bunch of homework and quizzes to do tomorrow. On top of all that, I NEED to get my letters to the post office and get my damn box!!! My poor pen pals are waiting on my busy ass!!! lol Ugh... well, at least the holidays are almost here to enjoy and dread :)

Driving Lesson

I finally got to take my shower today! It was nice and long and hot... and best part about it, it was uninterrupted! No one came in to bug me about it taking forever! lol I even went the extra mile to use a facial peel mask. Basically what it feels like is putting Elmer's glue all over your face, waiting for it to dry, then peeling it off. It's actually pretty fun and it makes your face feel silky smooth! Well after I got all ready for the day (hubby took care of the baby for me :) ) we met up with my dad to look for computers at Sam's Club. I'm not really sure what he's looking for; all I know is that he wants it to go faster when working with video editing. When he got done comparing, he took Aidan with him to babysit while I went on my driving lesson with hubby.

I actually did pretty well this time! I've usually had problems with smooth transitions, parking, getting to close to and running over curbs, and staying in my lane. I fixed all those problems this time! Though I only drove for an hour, I got some good driving in. I went back to my dad's to pick up my son and give Felix her medicine. She looked very well and she was able to move around a lot easier than the day before. I didn't get to stay over that long though; I was feeling very tired from the night before and could barely keep my eyes open. Sad thing, it was only 6:30pm! The rest of the night has revolved around keeping my son entertained, staying away, and MythBusters. So now he's asleep, the in-laws are asleep, my hubby's asleep, everyone's asleep but me. So off I go into Slumberland where my driving is perfect, I'm never tired, and my son is always in a good mood lol Night all!

Paranormal Longing for a Movie

I need to see Paranormal Activity again! I can't get over it! Paranormal Activity​ is the BEST scary movie I've ever seen!!! It's creepy, funny, totally non-gory, and really original in the way it's done! You don't even see the one doing all the scaring until the very very end, which makes it so different. I recommend this film to everyone! Even people who don't like scary movies will love this one! Truly makes you think about the things that go bump in the night :) Great... now I have to walk across a dark creepy house lol

Felix update: She it recovering nicely and loves being in my room :) Plus, she doesn't hate me! She even gave me a kiss and cuddled next to me. She didn't even fight me when it came time to take her medicine. I have such a sweet little kitty :) I should get her a kitty tree for Christmas to go in my room! lol

Felix the Cat (Post-Surgery)

I woke up at what seemed like the butt-crack of dawn this morning, woke up my son, and headed to my dad's house. Today was the day that I took Felix in to get her fixed. As I walked in the door, she ran up to greet me. I felt so bad knowing what was in store for her! So I picked her up, put her in her blanket-filled crate, and headed out to the car. She started to freak out and cry out pretty loud. Eventually, with a lot of reassurance and calming down, I was able to get her to relax. I don't think it helped though that my son was getting jealous of all the attention I was giving the cat, which made him start to fuss. His loud fussing tends to freak out my kitty. Anyway, we walked in and there was a short wait. My son kept pointing at the puppies and trying to poke Felix through the crate gate. I'm glad my fiance was there to help regulate our son and keep him occupied while I kept the kitty calm. When it was our turn, we walked into the little white room and waited for the vet.

When he walked in, he greeted us all warmly and gently took my cat out of her box. He quickly did the physical as he asked us about her health and walked us through the procedure that Felix was going to undergo. She was going to have anesthesia followed by her shots, the removal of her female reproductive organs, and they were going to put in a tracking chip (at the request of my dad) on her back between her shoulder blades. As he finished up, he asked his assistant (whom Felix actually seemed to like) to weight her and then take her into the other room. The vet kept telling us that Felix was one of the nicest cats that he's gotten in there. She didn't bite, hiss, scratch, or even freak out much; she stayed very calm and still. He thanked us for our business and would give me a call when it was time to pick her up. After we left, we went to Petsmart to get her a collar, then went back home to eat breakfast and give my fussy baby a nap.

Finally when it was time to pick up Felix, we headed over. One of the things that the vet told me was that my kitty had had a uterine infection (which probably was the cause of her extra peeing everywhere). This caused her incision to be a bit bigger than normal because her uterus was puffy and filled with blood and puss. I swear, I wanted to cry after hearing that but I held it together. I was instructed to give her antibiotics once a day until the next appointment. He then said that she would be a little hung over and dizzy from the anesthesia and to have her stay in her crate until the following morning. After that, she could be let out to eat, drink and would be all set. It was so sad, after she was set down in the crate, she tried to stand up and she totally stumbled and smooshed her face into the gate. :(  We scheduled her next appointment for Wednesday for her to get her stitches out, and after that, he again thanked me for my business and said if we had any questions or complaints to give him a call (such a nice, caring, and personable man).

On the way home, she kept nuzzling my hand and I felt so bad. Once at my dad's house, my sister helped to occupy my son while I comforted Felix. As the night progressed, my dad, sister, Aidan, and I all sat down to dinner and some tv while caged-kitty stayed next to me as I kept petting her nose. I could see her getting restless, but she was too dizzy to even stand on her own four feet. I felt so bad but all I could do was just keep telling her it'll be better in the morning. Once it came time to go home, I blew her a kiss and pet her nose before saying I would be back in the morning. In the meantime, she was going to sleep in my dad's room as opposed to sleeping in the living room in her crate alone and he would let her out in the morning into my bedroom/recovery room.

All in all, I'm tired lol On a side note, I just saw the commercial for Assassins Creed 2; it is soooo hot!!! lol  :"p

Missing Photos, Bruno, and Vet Ready

Today started out waking up to seeing my son sitting up in his crib, reaching out to me with a big smile, and giving me a sweet little baby kiss :) Today he had a photo session at Sears to get 1-year portraits done, so I fed and bathed him, dressed him up in his little suit, then took off with him in a smiley and happy mood. Our appointment was for 2:00pm so we wanted to be there 10 minutes early. There were a lot of people there so we knew this could take a while. So 30 minutes passed and we were wondering why our name hadn't been called yet. Aidan was starting to get fussy so we hoped that they'd call us up soon. After 5 minutes, they called us up and said that they were having technical difficulties and apologized. We went into the room and they got all set up and we put Aidan on the background... and he started crying. I sat near him and gave him his favorite snack (and mine too, Goldfish) and pulled out a book for him to read and look at; it didn't work. Next the lady gave him a mini pumpkin to hold to help calm him down and then tried to make him giggle with a teddy bear; that didn't work either. Finally after 20 minutes of all this, he walks over to me, sits on my lap, and points to my chest; he wanted to nurse and take a nap. So seeing that nothing was going to get done at this sitting, I scheduled another one for next Friday at 10:00am so that we'd be the first appointment of the day and nothing would go wrong. So we hopped into the car and he took a nap.

Once back at home and with the baby still sleeping, we decided to watch one of the movies we rented: Bruno. After watching it, I thought to myself, "I never want to see that again","I could've done without that", and "I'm so glad my son wasn't awake to see any part of that." Basically the whole movie revolved around kinky sex and penis. I can't even count on one hand the amount of times I saw a non-blurred penis! Anyways, I love a  lot of movies so this was a rare miss for me.

Following the movie, I went to my dad's for our weekly weekday dinner/hangout. It was really nice. We ate California Pizza Kitchen barbeque chicken flatcrust pizza (YUM!!!), watched some of Aidan's favorite cartoons, and caught up on all the passed weeks drama. I gave him all the details of Felix's appointment and we realized we didn't have a carrier. Noticing the time, we rushed out to Petsmart and got her a nice little carrier with a plush blanket for the inside and calming stickers to decorate the outside. When we brought it home, she seemed to really like it! She kept going inside, but that could've been to get away from my son lol I talked it over with my dad and he wanted to see how much extra it would cost to get that tracking chip thing put in as well. I'm surprised that he's willing to put that kind of money into a cat that he supposedly wants to get rid of so badly. Either way, I'm glad he's thinking about it. I got my room all ready to be her little recovery room! A nice soft area is laid out on my bed to keep her comfy, I made it really easy and accessible to get to the window sill, and I made sure that everything that would cause her trouble is out of the way. After we take her in, I figure I'll go back to my dad's, get her food, water, and litter box set up, and then have a couple of little presents that I know she likes ready for her so she'll hopefully hate me a little less for being the one to take her in.

Well, now my son's asleep, I've had my maritals with my love, and am now working on a history essay. With that being said, it's back to work! :)

Things I Like

So I was out the other day and was thinking about what is it that I like? Well, I decided to make a list for conversation​al purposes unless otherwise taken lol BTW, this is in no particular order :)

• Wedding magazines
• Dresses (wedding dresses, formal, cocktail)
• Articles in magazines relating to makeup tips, hair tips, and what style suits your body type
• DIY (do it yourself) ideas for weddings, accessories,​ clothes, projects, holidays
• Hello Kitty
• Simple cooking recipes that are fun and good for kids (I like simple foods/ I'm a picky eater lol)
• Dessert recipes (I LOVE baking!)
• Video games (in particular, all Guitar hero, all Halo, all Gears of War, all Sly Cooper, Assassins Creed (I get the 2nd one soon!))
• PC games (The Sims 1-3)
• Mythology (and this goes for any culture; I love it all)
• Making clothes and stuff (I hope to take a class so I can custom-make clothes soon)
• Blogging (just started getting into that)
• Video editing and such (I'm pretty good and I'm getting way better in photoshop too! I get the newest one this Christmas)
• Anything Japanese and mini stuff!
• Phone charms
• Jewelry (I mainly wear earrings)
• Hats
• Anything anime/manga!​
• Nail polish (love pinks, but I love all colors)
• Hair accessories (bows,flower​s, and ultra girlie chic!)
• Shoes (boots, ankle boots, and high heels all with thick tapered heels and rounded toes ;))
• Make up (I love different eyeshadow colors, eyeliner colors (mainly liquid), mascaras, and fake eyelashes!)
• stuff for my baby boy (fun toys, cute stylish clothes, cool shoes, and fun hats)
• Gel pens
• Cute girlie stickers
• Gothic & Lolita Bible by TOKYOPOP
• Waffles
• Flowers
  

A lot huh? lol Well like I said... I have a lot of interests and likes!

Felix the Cat (Surgery)

I talked to the vet today and my poor baby kitty goes in to get spayed Thursday the 12th at 8:30am. She can't have any water or food past midnight the day before. I can come back to get her at 5:00pm the same day and have to schedule an appointment for the following week to have her stitches removed. I'm not liking this (the putting her through pain part). So I'll be turning my bedroom into a temporary recovery room for her. Since there's not much she can jump up to and what she can jump up on is only a couple feet off the ground, I'm hoping it'll limit the chances of her stitches coming undone. I know she won't like it, but it's all I can really do :/ I hope this fixes her little "issues" :(

A Baby and Wine

Ok, so let me lay out the story. I just sat down at the dinner table with the rest of my family and begin to feed my son the KidCuisine he picked out at the market. The in laws pour a glass of wine while my hubby serves everyone up a big piece of Stoffer's lasagna with buttered french bread. After everyone but my son and I are done eating, my future mother in law offers to help feed my son the rest of his meal while I finish up mine. Part way through this, she starts feeding the dog off of my son's fork some of his food. We've been trying to get my son to not feed the dog his food or teach the dog that begging is ok, so this is already a big no-no. Then she proceeds to feed my son with the same fork the food that was still on it that the dog didn't eat!

Already upset by this I ask if she could not do that because I think it's gross. I also tell her that he'll eat or drink just about anything without a second thought and think it's good, so if she could not teach him bad eating habits. It's bad enough (at least to me) that he's already had and really like french fries. So I start to gather the dirty dishes off the table to bring them into the kitchen to be washed. I look up to see her giving my son something to drink from her glass. I didn't think anything of it for a split-second until I realized it was her wine glass he was drinking out of! And it wasn't just a sip either... my 15 month old son had a huge swig of red wine!

I started freaking out, not even knowing how to react. What makes a grown nurse mother think that it's ok to give a little baby alcohol? What freakin compels someone to feel proud that they got to give someone else's baby their first taste of wine?! WHAT COMPELS SOMEONE TO GIVE A BABY WINE IN THE FIRST PLACE, REGARDLESS OF WHOSE KID IT IS?!?!?! Her response to my and her son's disapproving reaction?

"I just wanted to see if he liked it. I wanted to see if he would scrunch up his face... he didn't have that much you guys..."

... my hubby responds with a good response, "Any amount is too much at this age mom. Thanks for helping my son along the path of an alcoholic." I still can't believe she did that... my dad knows not to do stupid stuff like that and he actually listens to me and what kind of life I'm trying to set up for my son. She and my future father in law like to do what I say not to do because they like to watch me freak out. His words, not mine. They had 3 children of their own and got to raise them how they wanted... They should let me and my man raise our one and only child the way we want and plan to.

To make this all worse, an hour later they start saying (and not to me by the way, only to their son) how we don't listen to our son and how we're always on our laptops when they get home and how Aidan (my son) always runs up to them crying when they walk in the door. All this followed by they think we don't feed him enough because he always acts so hungry, they don't like how our room is never clean, and just more complaints...

1. We're on our laptops when they get home (which is around 7pm) because we have school solely online so we need to get our work done for all of our classes as well as take our exams. They never see us at any point before that, so they don't see us scrambling around trying to keep order in the house between the baby and the animals, picking up and thoroughly cleaning all of the common areas  (meaning everywhere but our room), running errands that his parents ask us to get done before they get home, plus doctor and nurse appointments for all of us, a couple days a month for a social life, the time we spend going on walks to the park so Aidan can play and so we can get some exercise, preparing dinner (and not just for us, but for his parents too), and taking care of the animals (which aren't ours).
2. Our son runs up crying to them when they get home because he misses them and is sick of seeing my and his daddy's face all day long. He loves to see and be with people! And since we all live with his parents (yeah, it blows...) Aidan expects to see them often.
3. He always acts so hungry because he has my appetite. He eats all day long and he's generally eating pretty good sized food portions too. My future MIL (mother-in-law) just gets really paranoid about our parenting so it seems.
4. Last but not least, our room is never really clean because we're too busy running their house!!! They pretty much come home from work, eat, shower, fuss, and then go to bed. Not even a thank you for taking care of the dinner and dishes as well as feeding their pets and cleaning their house.

Nope... we're pretty much greeted with a whole lot of fussing and criticism. And it's not even constructive... I actually take a whole lot if it in offense. To me it basically sounds like their telling us that we're bad parents when I know for a fact that we're good parents. They're just not there when a majority of the day is going on. And I still love how after they gave a baby alcohol they have the balls to criticize us... yeah...talk about ungrateful.

I guess what they say about in-laws is true, huh? :P

Felix the Cat (My kitty cat)

I am hurt and pissed... My dad says if we get my cat fixed and that doesn't stop her yowling and slight peeing on the carpet, then he's going to get rid of her. He can't do that! She's my cat!!! And she's only doing it because he ignores her! He doesn't even care that if he does that, it'll ruin the awesome relationship we have and reduce it to almost nothing... He should care, I'm his daughter! In short (and pardon the language), this is fucked up.... Am I in the wrong to feel this way? I mean, I shouldn't have to pick between my poor defenseless kitty and the person who wants her out...

Here goes my first post!!! Still experimenting here lol