So yeah... the past few days I've noticed that for a while now I have been taken for granted and taken advantage of. Not just by friends, but family too. It's ridiculous! If they think that I'm just gonna deal with this for a few years until they come around, they're wrong. I need someone I can depend on too, you know? I need a fierce friend. I'm always the one to get blown off, forgotten, misinformed, pushed aside, and put on hold. And you know what? It's total bullshit! I'm never like that! I always try my best to make sure everyone feels happy, involved, and not forgotten. I hardly get that back in return. Only a couple people have actually thought about me to a decent degree so I wouldn't feel forgotten about.

You know, it's sad that I'm even having to bring this up! Ever since high school ended, it's started and only gotten worse. In the beginning, we were all like "We're so close, I feel like we're sisters! I would never replace you and why would I even want to?" Now, at the rate everything is going, I'm not even sure these people will still be my friends or even talking to me in a couple of years. I don't even know if we'll be close enough to have them in my bridal party! To me, that really hurts that I'm even questioning myself about how close we'll be, and if the thing I thought was so concrete (having my bffs in my wedding) is now looking like it may just be a far fetched dream. Sad thing, it's not like I'm not trying. I'm always saying hi, trying to find a time to hang, etc... And whenever we find a time to hang out, they cancel for one reason or another and don't even bother trying to see if another day would work.

It just hurts because it's not like they're doing this to any of our other friends... just me... what did I do to freakin deserve to be cut off? I didn't forget birthdays, I never took sides, I was always there and always available whenever someone needed me, I would always go out of my way for them to be a good friend and make them have a better day, and I didn't mooch off of them. So what's the fuckin deal?

...*sigh* ANYWAYS, I feel that the people who have kept me in there thoughts should be named. They deserve to know that they did no wrong to me: my sister, Marcy, James N., Jessica B., Chloe, Jessica H., and all my pen pals. You all have lent me your ears (and eyes) and reached your heart out to mine, especially lately when the past few weeks have been really shitty. A deep, sincere, and heart-felt thank you to you all :)

*hugs*